True Statements & Quotes that will change your life

1. Cantaloupe. It's a killer. Eat it on Kwaanza; you will only be half-killed. But that is no reason to eat it.
2. "Bobby, you musn't ridicule le' Monsignor. He rules with an Iron Fist and will not hesitate to smite little dissidents like you."
3. A penny in the pocket is worth a universe filled with Michael W. Smith's sad feelings.
4. Radio is the bane of people who dislike radio.
5. There are 3 things that make me mad, 4 that send me over the top.
   1. A rock badger in it's hole.
   2. The ill-treated he-goat.
   3. A man with rake in hand.
   4. 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife.
6. "Having extinguished all the electrical fires with the keen powers of his will alone, James decided to eat a sandwich. And while eating this sandwich he had the sudden revelation that...." [author's comment] I could go on here, but you get the point I am trying to make so I will not waste my precious minutes here on Venus.....I mean EARTH.
7. Let not the deer of despondency drag your heart into the ditch of destitution. Rather, let the meadowlark of merriment motivate your minimization of malevolence.